Runs on PeoplePlaybooks / Trust · 2 min read
Runbooks for humans
You'd never run an incident without a runbook. Hard conversations deserve one too.
In 30 seconds
- Write the one sentence they need to hear, plus two specific examples.
- Say it in the first minute, then ask and listen.
- Follow up in writing, and notice when things change.
The situation
You've rehearsed it in the shower for three weeks. Each week you find a reason to wait.
What's really going on
Unscripted conversations feel like unknown failure modes, so you avoid them. Waiting doesn't make it easier. It adds interest on both sides.
The runbook
Before: 15 minutes
- Write the sentence. "Your review comments are landing as personal attacks."
- Find two examples. Dates and effects. No "always" or "never".
- Define good. What's different in a month?
- Book it soon, in private. Not Friday afternoon.
During: 20 minutes
- Say the sentence in minute one. Small talk makes it worse.
- Give the examples, then stop. Situation, behaviour, impact.
- Ask, and listen. "How does that land? What am I missing?"
- Agree one change and when you'll check in.
After: 5 minutes, then a week
- Send a short summary. What you discussed and agreed.
- Notice the change. Say so, specifically. Most managers skip this.
If it goes sideways
| If they… | Try |
|---|---|
| Get defensive | "This isn't about your ability. It's this one thing." |
| Go quiet | "Take a day. Let's pick it up Thursday." |
| Get upset | Pause. "Do you want a few minutes?" |
| Dispute the facts | "Help me understand what I'm missing." |
| Agree too fast | "What would make this hard to change?" |
How you'll know it's working
- Speed: the time between noticing a problem and raising it is days, not weeks.
- Follow-through: every hard conversation has a written summary and a check-in date.
- Care check: ask them afterwards whether it felt fair.
In the frameworks
In other industries
- Healthcare Raising a colleague's manner with patients, in the ten minutes between clinics.
- Accountancy Telling a strong trainee they won't make manager this year.
- Manufacturing Challenging a respected operator who keeps skipping a safety step.
- Small business Talking to the friend you hired about their performance.
What to say
"I want to talk about something that's been getting in the way, and I'd rather be straight with you than hint at it."
Then say your sentence. Don't soften it first.
Try this week
Write the one sentence for the conversation you're avoiding. Book the time.
Think about it
What is waiting costing them, not just you?