Leading a team you used to be part of

Why it's awkward

You know the team well, which is a real advantage. You also know who moans about whom, what people really think of the old manager, and what was said at the pub. Now you're responsible for all of them.

Some colleagues will be pleased. One might have wanted the job. A few will wait to see whether you change. You will, a bit. That's not betrayal. It's the job.

What changes and what doesn't

What can stay	What has to change
Your warmth and sense of humour	Joining in when people complain about the organisation
Knowing people's lives and caring about them	Sharing gossip, or hearing it and saying nothing
Asking for their help and ideas	Being the person who decides, even when it's unpopular
Lunch, coffee, the odd drink	Being closer to some people than others in ways the team can see

The first month

Talk to each person one-to-one, early. Name the change rather than tiptoeing around it. Ask what they need from you now.
Have the harder conversation first. If someone else applied for the role, talk to them before anyone else. Acknowledge it, and ask what they want next.
Don't overcorrect. Turning stiff and formal overnight is as unsettling as pretending nothing has happened. Be yourself, with a little more care.
Stop venting sideways. Find somewhere else for frustrations: your own manager, a mentor or a peer in another team.
Be fair, and be seen to be fair. Share work and opportunities openly. Your old friends shouldn't get the best jobs, and they shouldn't get the worst ones to prove a point.
Hold the line early. The first time a standard slips, address it, kindly and privately. Waiting makes the second time much harder.

What to say

To a close colleague, in your first week:

"This is a bit odd for both of us, so I'd rather just say it. I still value what we've got, and I don't want that to change. But there'll be times I have to make calls you won't like, or give you feedback I wouldn't have before. When that happens, I'll be straight with you. Can you be straight with me if I get it wrong?"

To someone who also went for the role:

"I know you applied, and I know this might sting. I think you'd have been good at it. I'd like to help you get where you want to go. What would be useful from me?"

In other industries

The nurse who becomes ward sister, the senior who becomes audit manager, the operator who becomes shift lead: this is how most managers start, in every field. The friendships can survive. They just need to be named.

Try this week

Have one honest conversation with the former peer you're most worried about, and say out loud that things have changed.

Think about it

Which of your old habits with the team would look different now that you're the one deciding their pay and promotion?

Keep reading

Retros26 October 2026 · 2 min